Cancer

This past March 25th was a quiet Friday night spent relaxing at home. My mom, who is 70 had been ill with what my siblings and I thought was a nasty upper respiratory infection. She'd called her doctor a few times that week with various escalating symptoms and the feeling that she just wasn't feeling right. The doctor couldn't get her in and urged her to call back the following week. That evening, my sister and I convinced her that if she was feeling so badly she should go to her local E.R. My sister and I suspected it might be pneumonia. Mom went to the E.R., went through blood work and a chest xray only to have the doctor come back a bit later with the words "We've found a suspicious spot on your left lung. I've already contacted your physician and told him that you need to be seen immediately by a pulmonologist." Cancer was not mentioned by the doctor--although it's spectre was very large in my mom's head at that moment.
What followed over the next two months was a blur of appointments and consultations. Mom underwent a CT scan, a PET scan (which showed the spot lit up as well as a lesser degree of lighting in one lymph node) and then a few weeks later she underwent a bronchoscopy. That latter test involved biopsying that lymph node and it came back clean for cancer.
 On June 6th, Mom underwent major surgery to remove "Spot".  By that time Spot had grown from 2.8 to 3 centimeters. After the procedure, the doctor came and spoke to us in the waiting area and told us that he'd gotten it all to the best of his knowledge, that it was indeed cancer, and that he'd had to remove one entire lobe of the left lung as well as a wedge of the other lobe in that same lung. He'd also biopsied 11 lymph nodes and they subsequently came back negative for cancer! Now, Mom has to go back every 3 months for a chest xray and a medical appointment as well as have a scan done every 6 months. Her type of cancer is a Squamous Cell Carcinoma and it is considered a Stage 1b. The pathology report stated that it is poorly differentiated and that there were "extensive areas of tumor necrosis" present.
  Mom was in the hospital 8 days and is recovering at home now. But before all this, she and her husband were talking divorce so at her age, and now with a cancer diagnosis, she will be starting over at 70. This breaks my heart because I know her life has not been easy and for the longest time she's not been happy but just settled and accepted things as they were; being too afraid to change them.
 Now, it seems that cancer, HER impetus to make some changes in her life --has become one of my own. I don't want to let more years go by existing. I want to do whatever I can to make life fulfilling --for myself as well as those I care about.
 One of the things I will be doing for Mom via this blog and other methods is raising funds for not only her medical expenses but to start her new life over closer to her family. (She lives in another town but the same state as we do.) One of the ways I will do that is accept donations via paypal under the name azureseaglass@yahoo.com.  We'd greatly appreciate any donations and you can know that any monies will indeed go to what I've stated here. In fact, we will likely be starting a bank account for folks that might wish to contribute in that way. More on that later.
 All I know is that as hard as it is sometimes, life is precious and it goes by so very quickly. If you pray, please keep my mom in your prayers as she recovers from her surgery and faces the weeks and months ahead!

Who I Am And Where I'm At

As my blog title indicates, this blog is going to be a reflection as well as a motivating factor in some significant life changes I need to make. I will try to make it interesting and easily understood and in return, I only ask that my readers treat me with the same respect as I will offer you if your opinions, experiences and life view should differ from my own. Also, I want to be clear at the onset--I am a novice blogger and not very tech savvy so if you want to read a blog with lots of pictures, music and the like you will be sorely disappointed. At least for now... On the other hand, if you are looking to read about a life in transformation as well as issues that are presented realistically as I have experienced them, then you are most certainly in the right place and I welcome you to bear witness to my journey!
A bit about me? I turned 50 this year. A milestone birthday to be sure--and part of what is motivating me to make some significant changes in my life. I am also what I suppose you'd call a "late-bloomer." For instance, how many 50 yr old women do YOU know that: has never had a driver's license and thus never had a vehicle, who has never married or had children, never owned a home, and is currently not employed.
 How many 50 yr olds do YOU know who has so very many dreams and feels lacking in the power to make them come true?
 Here is some of what I know about me: I am a good person who has had bad things happen to her. Like many, if not all of us, right? I worked many years in the retail sector and also worked simultaneously a second job in the mental health field. When the retail store where I'd been 15 yrs went out of business, I decided to go to college part time. I graduated in 2003 with two degrees in the mental health field as well as several certifications. Helping others has always been a passion of mine. Now it is time to help myself!
 Part of what I will be working on "behind the scenes" so to speak is losing a significant amount of weight. I may be going the bariatric surgery route but would rather do it myself. I'm a writer, so what better venue to document some of this journey than a blog? I also write poetry and will perhaps share some poems occasionally as well.
 Change is a difficult thing for me. Is it for you? Is it hard for everyone? What are your thoughts on that? What motivates--or HAS motivated YOU to make changes in YOUR life? For me, it is a combination of things prompting a desire to change. It is the fact that I am not getting any younger. It is the fact that due to at least some circumstances beyond my control (especially in childhood/adolescence) I missed out on a lot of opportunities and experiences. It is the fact that I am not happy and haven't been for a while and the only person who can change that is ME! It is the weight of my physical body as well as the weight of the wounds upon my soul. And it is my sincere hope and prayer that something, anything I share here will in some way make the life of you, my reader a little easier or brighter as well. Please, if you see anything of interest here to yourself or someone else, feel free to pass this on. One of the reasons I've hesitated starting a blog is because I fear no one will wish to read it. I hope you prove me wrong!